Wednesday, 20 November 2013

If You really Care about Our Education System

Saya copas dari sini.
Videonya:


Coxsackie-Athens High School Valedictory Speech 2010

한국어 번역은 여기를 클릭하십시오.
.לנאום בתרגום לעברית, לחצו כאן
Here I Stand
Erica Goldson

        There is a story of a young, but earnest Zen student who approached his teacher, and asked the Master, "If I work very hard and diligently, how long will it take for me to find Zen? The Master thought about this, then replied, "Ten years." 
The student then said, "But what if I work very, very hard and really apply myself to learn fast - How long then?" Replied the Master, "Well, twenty years." "But, if I really, really work at it, how long then?" asked the student. "Thirty years," replied the Master. "But, I do not understand," said the disappointed student. "At each time that I say I will work harder, you say it will take me longer. Why do you say that?" 
Replied the Master, "When you have one eye on the goal, you only have one eye on the path."
        This is the dilemma I've faced within the American education system. We are so focused on a goal, whether it be passing a test, or graduating as first in the class. However, in this way, we do not really learn. We do whatever it takes to achieve our original objective.
        Some of you may be thinking, “Well, if you pass a test, or become valedictorian, didn't you learn something? Well, yes, you learned something, but not all that you could have. Perhaps, you only learned how to memorize names, places, and dates to later on forget in order to clear your mind for the next test. School is not all that it can be. Right now, it is a place for most people to determine that their goal is to get out as soon as possible.
        I am now accomplishing that goal. I am graduating. I should look at this as a positive experience, especially being at the top of my class. However, in retrospect, I cannot say that I am any more intelligent than my peers. I can attest that I am only the best at doing what I am told and working the system. Yet, here I stand, and I am supposed to be proud that I have completed this period of indoctrination. I will leave in the fall to go on to the next phase expected of me, in order to receive a paper document that certifies that I am capable of work. But I contest that I am a human being, a thinker, an adventurer – not a worker. A worker is someone who is trapped within repetition – a slave of the system set up before him. But now, I have successfully shown that I was the best slave. I did what I was told to the extreme. While others sat in class and doodled to later become great artists, I sat in class to take notes and become a great test-taker. While others would come to class without their homework done because they were reading about an interest of theirs, I never missed an assignment. While others were creating music and writing lyrics, I decided to do extra credit, even though I never needed it. So, I wonder, why did I even want this position? Sure, I earned it, but what will come of it? When I leave educational institutionalism, will I be successful or forever lost? I have no clue about what I want to do with my life; I have no interests because I saw every subject of study as work, and I excelled at every subject just for the purpose of excelling, not learning. And quite frankly, now I'm scared.
        John Taylor Gatto, a retired school teacher and activist critical of compulsory schooling, asserts, “We could encourage the best qualities of youthfulness – curiosity, adventure, resilience, the capacity for surprising insight simply by being more flexible about time, texts, and tests, by introducing kids into truly competent adults, and by giving each student what autonomy he or she needs in order to take a risk every now and then. But we don't do that.” Between these cinderblock walls, we are all expected to be the same. We are trained to ace every standardized test, and those who deviate and see light through a different lens are worthless to the scheme of public education, and therefore viewed with contempt.
        H. L. Mencken wrote in The American Mercury for April 1924 that the aim of public education is not
      to fill the young of the species with knowledge and awaken their intelligence. ... Nothing could be further from the truth. The aim ... is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed and train a standardized citizenry, to put down dissent and originality. That is its aim in the United States. (Gatto)
        To illustrate this idea, doesn't it perturb you to learn about the idea of “critical thinking.” Is there really such a thing as “uncritically thinking?” To think is to process information in order to form an opinion. But if we are not critical when processing this information, are we really thinking? Or are we mindlessly accepting other opinions as truth?
This was happening to me, and if it wasn't for the rare occurrence of an avant-garde tenth grade English teacher, Donna Bryan, who allowed me to open my mind and ask questions before accepting textbook doctrine, I would have been doomed. I am now enlightened, but my mind still feels disabled. I must retrain myself and constantly remember how insane this ostensibly sane place really is.
        And now here I am in a world guided by fear, a world suppressing the uniqueness that lies inside each of us, a world where we can either acquiesce to the inhuman nonsense of corporatism and materialism or insist on change. We are not enlivened by an educational system that clandestinely sets us up for jobs that could be automated, for work that need not be done, for enslavement without fervency for meaningful achievement. We have no choices in life when money is our motivational force. Our motivational force ought to be passion, but this is lost from the moment we step into a system that trains us, rather than inspires us.
        We are more than robotic bookshelves, conditioned to blurt out facts we were taught in school. We are all very special, every human on this planet is so special, so aren't we all deserving of something better, of using our minds for innovation, rather than memorization, for creativity, rather than futile activity, for rumination rather than stagnation? We are not here to get a degree, to then get a job, so we can consume industry-approved placation after placation. There is more, and more still.
        The saddest part is that the majority of students don't have the opportunity to reflect as I did. The majority of students are put through the same brainwashing techniques in order to create a complacent labor force working in the interests of large corporations and secretive government, and worst of all, they are completely unaware of it. I will never be able to turn back these 18 years. I can't run away to another country with an education system meant to enlighten rather than condition. This part of my life is over, and I want to make sure that no other child will have his or her potential suppressed by powers meant to exploit and control. We are human beings. We are thinkers, dreamers, explorers, artists, writers, engineers. We are anything we want to be - but only if we have an educational system that supports us rather than holds us down. A tree can grow, but only if its roots are given a healthy foundation.
        For those of you out there that must continue to sit in desks and yield to the authoritarian ideologies of instructors, do not be disheartened. You still have the opportunity to stand up, ask questions, be critical, and create your own perspective. Demand a setting that will provide you with intellectual capabilities that allow you to expand your mind instead of directing it. Demand that you be interested in class. Demand that the excuse, “You have to learn this for the test” is not good enough for you. Education is an excellent tool, if used properly, but focus more on learning rather than getting good grades.
        For those of you that work within the system that I am condemning, I do not mean to insult; I intend to motivate. You have the power to change the incompetencies of this system. I know that you did not become a teacher or administrator to see your students bored. You cannot accept the authority of the governing bodies that tell you what to teach, how to teach it, and that you will be punished if you do not comply. Our potential is at stake.
        For those of you that are now leaving this establishment, I say, do not forget what went on in these classrooms. Do not abandon those that come after you. We are the new future and we are not going to let tradition stand. We will break down the walls of corruption to let a garden of knowledge grow throughout America. Once educated properly, we will have the power to do anything, and best of all, we will only use that power for good, for we will be cultivated and wise. We will not accept anything at face value. We will ask questions, and we will demand truth.
        So, here I stand. I am not standing here as valedictorian by myself. I was molded by my environment, by all of my peers who are sitting here watching me. I couldn't have accomplished this without all of you. It was all of you who truly made me the person I am today. It was all of you who were my competition, yet my backbone. In that way, we are all valedictorians.
        I am now supposed to say farewell to this institution, those who maintain it, and those who stand with me and behind me, but I hope this farewell is more of a “see you later” when we are all working together to rear a pedagogic movement. But first, let's go get those pieces of paper that tell us that we're smart enough to do so!

"Graduating with honors will provide many advantages when applying for a doctoral degree, as it's an obvious demonstration of your capabilities as a student and a professional."

Saturday, 16 November 2013

FALL OUT BOY live in concert

Kalau ditanya, what band did you listen to while you're growing up? My answer is: FALL OUT BOY. This story is about me, about fall out boy, about my experience to finally see them LIVE. Enjoy!
nb: Semua foto bersumber dari Big Daddy, kecuali yg melet2 dr KapanLagi dan akustikan dr Viva. Gambar pick dan yg ada guenya tentu saja dokumentasi pribadi hahahaha

Ceritanya gue lagi buka twitter dan kepo +Hasief Ardiasyah org yg hobinya ngasih info ttg konser. Dia lagi nge-tweet ttg fob di singapore. Gue pikir: sial bgt Indonesia dilewat gitu aja. Gue pun ga rela buat pergi ke sono buat nonton. Selain lg ga banyak duit, mreka msh muda, msh ada waktu buat ke Indonesia. Nah  +Hasief Ardiasyah itu kodein kalo FOB bakal konser di Indonesia. Wew, gue udh deg2 ser aja hahaha. Sampai munculah hal ini...


KYAAAA. One of my dreams will come true hahaha. Setelah kepo2 gue pun tau kalo promotornya adalah promotor yg dulunya suka bawa Kpop dan harganya mahal -_- Gue udh siap2 terima nasib kalo harganya ntar mahal hahaha, dan ternyata benar -_- Gue ga rela beli dgn tiket normal, akhirnya beli presale. Itu pun pake perjuangan. Gue ga ikut perwalian dan ke ticket box di bandung, tp ternyata di sono ga bisa beli presale. Akhirnya gue beli di Gancit sebelum nonton all time low.

Untuk masalah temen, gue ga perlu nyari lg. Gue punya temen dr Jakarta yg pindah ke Bandung, ke SMA gue, Dineta. Gue udh kenal dr SMP krn sesama pecinta FOB hakakak. FOB helping me made friends from another town. Ternyata oh ternyata, kakak kelas gue dan Dinet, Ka Blenda, mau nonton jg. Adeknya Ka Blenda, Faustine, adek kelas, jg ikut hakakaka. Temen seangkatan Faustine, adek kelas jg, Jordan, ikutan hakakak. Berlima waktu SMA masuk ke komunitas yg sama, asik ga tuh.

19 OKTOBER 2013. Waktu yg ditunggu2 pun tiba2. Meski gue ga menang kuis meet and greet. Salah satu alasannya: GUE GA BISA SAVE EDITAN GUE DI WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER. SIAAAL. Gue naik travel sendiri, krn Faustine telat dan Dinet udh duluan. Ka Faustine dan Jordan emang kuliah di UI, jd mreka brangkat dr Depok.

Tibalah di Gandaria City. Yaaa ngantri mah ga perlu lah ya diceritain. Pokonya begitu masuk, Dinet yg emang suka Pete Wentz bgt langsung ngacir ke kanan. Gue kiri (yg plg deket dr pintu masuk) gpp, dkt yayang Trohman hahahah #sampah bersama Ka Blenda. Sementara Faustine dan Jordan masuk belakangan krn sempet pergi dulu pas mau masuk venue. Jadi intinya, sama aja kaya ga nonton berlima hahaha.


Konser pun dimulai. Sebelumnya ada video dr fans club FOB indonesia. Fall Out Boy masuk memakai topeng. AAAK. Lagu The Phoenix membuka konser kala itu. Kesan gue: wanjeeeer ganas penontonnya. Semua tereak2, mau cewe mau cowo. Mau ga mau lu harus loncat. Kanan kiri depan belakang loncat, gileeee, pdhl musiknya ga keras. Mungkin krn ada ada basik punk-nya kali ya. Mungkin krn dulu ga sempet nonton, baru kesampean 6 taun kemudian, kaya gue hahaha. Mungkin krn udh kangen bgt sama mreka abis hiatus dan mengira mreka bakal bubar, kaya gue hahaha.

Sangking hebohnya, bahkan sampe ada iPhone jatoh tiba2 ketangkep tangan gue. Untung gue baik, gue balikin tu HP ke yg punya. Setelah liat kejadian itu, org sebelah gue (nonton sendirian) langsung nitipin hpnya krn dia mau ngiket rambut sebelum kepanasan dan kecakar crowd hahaha. 

Gue inget rasanya kebingungan gmn caranya rambut Joe Trohman yg sgt lebat masuk ke topeng sekecil itu. Gue inget rasanya ngeliat Joe Trohman buka topeng, trs geleng kepala dan rambutnya langsung mekar uooo. Gue inget Pas bridge, Joe dan Pete bawa bendera FOB uoooo. Wave the white flag!


Lagu kedua I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy BLAAAA panjang men judulnya. Lagu FOB yg plg gue suka AAAA. But I found the cure to growing older jengjegejeng langsung loncat parah terserah dah apa kata org. Pas reff gue loncat2 parah dahsyat pokonya. Pas lagu ini Pete Wentz ke arah gue AAAA *dalam hati*. Sebagai fans angkatan tua, gue apal lagu ini. Bahkan Pete Wentz making an eye contact sama gue di lagu ini, mungkin krn gue plg treak2 diantara org lain di lagu ini. Gue bahkan msh inget pas di bagian mana mata gue dan Pete bertemu #halah, back to your family cause I know he will be missed. Sampai skrg gue suka senyum2 sendiri kalo denger lagu itu, mungkin akan berlangsung seumur idup #lebay.

Lanjut lagu A Little Less Sixteen Candles BLAAA dan This Ain't a Scene BLAAA. Empat lagu pertama setengah energi gue udh abis krn itu semua lagu lama hakakak. Lagu kelima Alone Together, gue agak rileks aja dah, charge energi dikit, biarkan yg muda nyanyi2. Gue hanya tereak2 bagian YEAAA-nya doang. Di lagu ini Pete Wentz hobi bgt ngulur2 lidah kaya anak kecil.

Fall Out Boy Jakarta

Okai, selanjutnya unjuk solo gitar. Gue berpikir: inilah saatnya gue dokumentasikan moment bahagia ini meski sedikit. Gebleknya, dengan suasana crowd yg heboh dan dempet2 bgt ini, alhasil susah bgt gue ambil kamera. Begitu keambil tas gue rusak hakakakak (bagian serutnya, gue bawa tas serut). Sepanjang konser gue hanya doa semoga isi tas gue ga berhamburan.

Abis itu lagu Beat It, Death Valley, Sugar We're Going Down, sama Young Volcanoes. Selanjutnya ada acoustic session. WOOOW. I'm Like a Lawyer with BLAAA sama Grand Theft Autumn / Where is Your Boy. Suasana mendadak romantis dan sing along "Where is you boy tonight I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know. YOU WERE THE LAST GOOD THING ABOUT THIS PART OF TOWN"


Drum solo oleh Andy Hurley abis dia istirahat pas akustikan #sotoy. Lanjut Dance, Dance, Just One Yesterday, I Don't Care, sama My Songs Know What You Did BLAAA. Abis itu mreka kluar panggung. Tentu saja semua tahu konser belon berakhir. Fans muda belon denger Save Rock and Roll. Fans medium belon denger Thnks fr th Mmrs. Fans tua belon denger Saturday. Semua lagu itu muncul pas encore hahaha. Karena gue tau lagu Saturday akan menjadi ending dari semua konser fob, maka gue menghabiskan semua tenaga gue di lagu itu. SATURDAAAAY! When these open doors were open ended!

You know what? Pete Wentz still do the thing that he used to do. Pegang2 penonton pas lagu Saturday hakakak. Semua org menuju ke arah Pete Wentz. Gue kebawa arus. Kaga bisa megang, ya iya laaah, jauh hahaha, ga niat amat jg. Di sini org2 pd jatoh, cowo2 pada bantu nolongin. Unyu ya hahaha *korban masuk jurusan yg cowonya krg gentle*. Usut punya usut ada yg cinlok di sini. Sama2 nonton sendiri, kenalan, nonton bareng, dan bayar taksi patungan krn searah hahaha.


Konser berakhir. 20 lagu sudah dimainkan. GUE GA PUAAAS. Begitu selese nonton gue langsung liat ke bawah siapa tau ada pick jatoh. ADA! Pas mau ngambil, eh diambil org duluan pas gue jalan AAA.Gue sedih dan tertunduk. Eh, ada pick di bawah, langsung gue ambil HAKAKAK, 2 of my dreams came true!


Gue kehilangan temen sangking hebohnya semua penonton hahaha. Begitu ketemu, temen gue nanya: abis berenang drmn lu Sur? HAHAHA. Iya -_- gue nyadar gue keringetan bgt pdhl gue tau ada angin AC sepoi2 tp keadaan ga memungkinkan untuk gue terus menikmati udara tersebut #halah. Besoknya gue nginep di apartemen keluarga Dinet. Siang2 (iya, gue bangun siang gara2 ngomongin fob sampe subuh) gue buka mata. Gue senyum2 ngebayangin Joe Trohman hakakak. Dinet liat gue cengengesan langsung nyeletuk: last night was great ;) sambil kedip mata. Geblek -_-


Ya begitulah kisah gue nonton band yg menemani hari2 gue di saat labil. Band yg ga akan gue benci mau berubah segimana pun. Dari zaman Pete Wentz pake celana plg ketat sampai pake celana plg longgar. Dari zaman Patrick Stump gendut sampe kurus. Dari zaman Andy Hurley tatoan sampe full tato. Dari zaman Joe Trohman berambut sampe kribo. Band yg suka gue nyanyiin sama ade gue (ade gue bukan org mau bayar mahal demi konser). Gue inget gue dan ade suka ketawa2 nyanyi Get Busy Living or BLAAA. I used to obsess of a living, now I only obsess over you .... This has been said so may times that I'm not sure if it matters .... From day one I talked about getting out, but not forgetting about .... BLAAA

Band yg udh membuat gue kenalan sama banyak org hebat. Band yg plg banyak gue koleksi CD maupun merchandisenya krn gue termasuk org cukup idealis dlm hal ini untuk menghargai dan ga mau musik yg gue suka mati krn pembajakan. Band yg ga akan gue tinggalin meski selera musik gue agak berubah. Kenangan ini ga akan gue lupa sepanjang idup. Sebenernya msh ada yg mau gue tulis supaya gue ga lupa ntar diupdate seiring berjalannya waktu.
 
 
Waktu konser selese, FOB sempet foto crowd loooh (selalu dilakuin di Save Rock and Roll Tour). Ada guenya dikit pdhl ga di depan hahaha. Coba tebak (agak mustahil ketebak kecuali tau gue bgt)! Meskipun ada tangan di kiri atas, 3 of my dreams came true hahaha #maksa

Thnks fr th mmrs, FALL OUT BOY, stay young!

Aborsi

Sebenernya cerita ini udah gue baca dari awal ditampilin di kaskus. Hari ini ga sengaja gue baca suatu artikel yang nge-link ke cerita ini. Cerita ini kisah yg serem bgt, ga boong. Gue baca ini sampe nangis seriusan, sedih bgt. Semua cerita yg pernah gue baca, mulai dari tentang kebaikan orang tua, atau apa pun yg sedih, ntah mengapa gue plg sedih sama cerita ini. Deskriptif bgt dan gue ga kebayang kalo gue jd org ini. Niat gue nge-share supaya lo yg baca (kalo ada) mikir2 lg sebelum bertindak.
Sumber: klik di sini

[UPDATE] Pengalaman ane pasca aborsi.


Semua yg ane tulis ini murni pengalaman ane sendiri (ID ini ane buat sengaja untuk menutup identitas diri ane yg sebenarnya)

4 September 2012

Ane dan pacar ane beserta 3 teman yg lain mendatangi rumah seorang wAni paruh baya, sebut saja nama nya IAni. Dari informasi mulut ke mulut yg kami dengar, pekerjaan utama nya adalah sinden desa, namun dia memiliki link ke rumah sakit swasta terkenal di kota kami. Ani menjelaskan bahwa proses aborsi ini sakit nya hanya sama seperti sakit senggugut biasa. Selesai aborsi, ane bakalan haid-mengeluarkan darah terus-terusan selama 2 minggu. Habis itu, ane bakalan ngikutin siklus menstruasi ane seperti biasa. Disaat ini, ane hanya terdiam dan bimbang. Pacar ane sempat mengusulkan sebaiknya kami ke dokter, melakukan USG untuk mendeteksi berapa umur si bayi sebenarnya. Namun saat itu Ani malah memarahi kami dan bertanya apa kami ingin membesarkan si bayi, yg tentu saja merisaukan kami berdua. Dia menjelaskan cara-cara bagaimana nanti nya si bayi akan meninggal dan cara meminum obatnya. Dia sama sekali enggak ngasi tahu apa nanti dampak nya buat ane. Akhirnya diputuskan bahwa kami melakukan tindakan ini. Ani menambahkan, apabila nanti nya kejadian ini akan berulang kedua kali nya, dia tidak akan mau menolong kami. Singkat cerita, biaya yg harus dibayarkan untuk menebus obat itu sebesar Rp. 800.000,- Pacar ane langsung menyggupi pembayaran keesokan hari nya.

5 September 2012

Kami kembali mendatangi rumah Ani untuk menyerahkan uang biaya obat aborsi tsb. Tak sampai 20 menit, kami langsung meninggalkan rumah nya dan beranjak ke rumah pacar ane (Kebetulan orang tua pacar Ane sangat sayg sama ane, saking sayg dan percaya nya, orang tua pacar Ane gak mempermasalahkan ane sering nginap dirumah dia)
Malam itu juga, ane bertekad untuk meminumnya tanpa pikir panjang. Obat tsb terdiri atas 2 paket. Yg satu nya berbentuk segi enam dan yg satu nya berbentuk bubuk halus (mungkin campuran obat-obatan yg dihaluskan). Obat yg berbentuk segi enam itu dimasukkan via vagina, sedangkan serbuk halus itu dicampur dengan air hangat setengah gelas, kemudian diminum sampai habis-
Setengah jam kemudian ane merasa kedinginan luar biasa, saking dingin nya gigi ane gemeretuk semua. Pacar ane panik, dia langsung menghubungi Ani dan dari penjelasan si Ani, ane menggigil pertanda obatnya udah bekerja. Disitu ane berpikir, apa yg udah ane lakuin udah terlalu jauh Malamnya ane tertidur nyenyak sampai akhir nya sekitar jam 2 pagi ane mulas luar biasa sekitar 10 menitan.
Sekitar jam 7 pagi, ane terbangun dengan kondisi dimana otot perut semua nya tegang. Ane cuma komat-kamit, berharap Tuhan mau menolong umatnya melakuin dosa
Tiba-tiba semburan air hangat keluar banyak banget dari vagina ane. Disitu ane berpikir yg keluar adalah darah. Pas ane cek, warnanya bening (yg belakangan ane duga merupakan air ketuban yg udah pecah) nggak lama berselang darah dan gumpalan darah berukuran besar mulai keluar. Kejadian ini berlangsung seharian penuh. Ane kira si bayi akan keluar dalam kondisi hancur, sehingga ane gak ngambil pusing.

6 September 2012

Hari ini ane masih mengeluarkan darah seperti hari sebelumnya. Keletihan dan rasa lemas mulai menyerang ane, pertanda hasil luka-luka perang ini sudah mulai terasa. Rasa yg ane rasain sekarang dua kali lipat rasa sakit nya dari rasa senggugut. Ane cuma bisa nangis seharian, sedangkan pacar Ane terus-terusan marah dan menyalahkan kami berdua. Gumpalan yg keluar semakin banyak dan ane gak bisa tidur terlentang selain tidur miring akibat rasa sakit yg dihasilkan sangat menyakitkan. Disitu ane sempat teringat sama ibu ane, apalagi ane anak paling kecil, bangsa dimana selalu maksa nyokap ane dan selalu melawan tiap dinasehatin sama dia. Air mata ane berjatuhan membayangkan gimana perjuangan seorang ibu. Apa yg dikatain orang, proses melahirkan adalah taruhan nyawa-antara hidup dan mati. Ane sempat berpikir apa ini salah satu bentuk teguran Tuhan karena ane udah terlalu jauh dari Dia?

7 September 2012

Pagi ini pendarahan masih berlangsung sampai siang hari. Saking lemes nya, ane cuma berbaring seharian didampingi pacar ane. Siangnya, pas ane ganti pembalut, enggak sengaja pas ane basuh vagina ane, tangan ane merasakan ada yg ganjil dari bibir vagina ane. Ternyata pas ane cek, ane hampir pingsan dibuatnya, tangan kecil mungil yg jari nya udah lengkap semua beserta kuku nya keluar. Tangan itu tangan kecil kiri Dimi(nama anak ane yg kami sepakati). Ane refleks langsung meraba kedalam liang peranakan ane. Terasa tangan dan lengannya yg udah bertulang kecil. Tulangnya terasa sebesar batang korek api. Ane langsung nangis, dan begitu pacar Ane tahu, dia langsung menyarankan dari pada ane kesakitan terus, lebih baik ane tarik pelan-pelan, ternyata nggak bisa sama sekali, tangan kiri nya mentok keluar. Pacar ane inisiatif menghubungi si Ani, tapi ane larang, karena ane yakin dia nggak bakalan ngasi jawaban yg logis. Sore nya puncak kesakitan dari semua kesakitan yg ane rasain hari-hari sebelumnya terjadi. Ane cuma bisa menggigit bantal, ane nggak mungkin ngeluarin jeritan, secara kiri kanan ada tetangga dan ane pun gak mau bikin orangtua pacar ane curiga.
Ane meradang, pacar ane pasrah. Sampai-sampai seandainya ada perampok datang dan bertanya apakah ane siap dibunuh, ane jawab ya karena sumpah gak bisa nahan sakitnya. Perut ane kontraksi to the max, dan all-you-can-do cuma bisa menahan sakit. Agan baygin agan terjatuh sampai lembam tapi agan cuma bisa diam aja tanpa ngeluarin reaksi berteriak atau cuma bilang "aduh".
Karena rasa sakit yg ada enggak tertahan lagi, ane sampai berbisik sama pacar ane, lebih baik orangtua pacar ane tahu, tapi dilarang sama pacar ane, karena yg ditakutkan bukanlah kemarahan orangtua dia, melainkan omongan semua keluarga besar dia yg terkenal skeptis sama keluarga pacar ane. Ane tahu pacar ane bukan egois, itu adalah keputusan yg tepat.
Puncaknya, ane menjambak-jambak rambut sendiri. Pacar ane mulai nangis dan membisikkan kalo dia tahu ane bakalan ngerasain sakit segitu nya, dia bakalan enggak mau nolongin rencana ane untuk ngegugurin anak itu. Karena enggak tahan lagi, ane LARI 2 meter ke kamar mandi (baygin disaat paha agan berdarah menahan sakit, agan harus berlari supaya darah nya enggak bercecaran dimana-mana) pacar ane mengekor dari belakang, dan begitu ane lepas celana, jongkok, JLEB betapa sedih nya ane, anak ane keluar dan rasa sakit itu langsung berhenti. Ane terdiam menatap lantai yg jadi saksi bisu. Pacar ane hampir pingsan karena enggak sanggup lihat darah begitu banyak dan anak kami yg sudah meninggal meringkuk di lantai. Air mata ane jatuh berderai. Ane nangis tanpa suara. Mama nya pacar ane mendengar gaduh-gaduh di lantai atas, cepat-cepat anak ane kami letakkan di dalam bungkusan kain putih bersih. Mama pacar ane datang ke kamar dan bertanya ane kenapa, ane jawab ane lagi senggugut, jadi kesakitan. Pacar ane disuruh ke warung nyariin obat pereda haid dan ane bilang enggak perlu.
Antara keletihan luar biasa dan kondisi kejiwaan yg labil, malam nya ane tertidur nyenyak. Sebelum tidur, ane minta maaf sama anak ane, ane bilang dalam hati ane, "mama nggak mau kamu jadi bahan omongan sayg, maafin mama ngelakuin ini, kalo kamu ngertiin kondisi mama, mama yakin kamu anak mama yg selalu bakalan tinggal di hati mama."

8 September 2012

Pagi nya ane dibangunin pacar ane yg semalaman enggak tidur ngejagain ane. Sesaat kami cuma berpelukan dalam diam, saling merenungi kesalahan masing-masing. Singkat cerita, kami putuskan anak kami harus kami mandikan sebagai bentuk-syarat agar nanti nya dia tenang dan mau memaafkan kami.
Pacar ane menyiapkan air hangat dalam bak yg sudah dicampur air jeruk nipis agar dia harum-nggak bau amis nanti nya sewaktu dikubur. Dia harus dikubur secara layak. Kami mengunci diri dalam kamar mandi. Pacar ane masih shock melihat anak kami. Akhirnya, ane buka bungkusan nya dan ane timang dia, ane cium pipi nya, terasa dingin. Perlu agan tahu, kondisi nya sudah lengkap, tinggal bentuk kepala nya yg belum proposal dengan badannya. Tangan dan kaki nya sudah lengkap terbentuk. Guratan hidungnya mancung persis hidung ane, bibir atas nya warisan dari bibir ane, sedangkan raut wajah nya nggak jauh beda dengan wajah papanya-pacar ane.
Ane ngomong sendiri "yuk nak, mama mandiin ya, biar wangi, biar harum " saking lirih nya ane bicara, air mata ane berjatuhan. Ane genggam tangannya dan bilang "gantengnya kamu sayg, kalo kamu besar mungkin udah jadi rebutan cewek-cewek". Selesai dimandiin, ane pandang dia untuk yg terakhir kali nya, ane hampir pingsan menahan kesedihan ane.
Ane serahkan dia ke pacar ane, yg nanti nya mengubur dia.
Selesai anak ane dikubur, ane terus-terusan menangis. Penyesalan cuma yg ane rasakan sampai detik ini. Sebelum ngelakuin nya, yg ane dan pacar ane baygkan ialah rasa kelegaan.
Yakinlah, apa yg agan rasakan setelah ngelakuin nya cuma rasa penyesalan. Ane nge-share pengalaman ane ini sebagai bentuk kepedulian ane terhadap sesama dan ane peduli terhadap nyawa seseorang.

-----------------------------

9 Oktober 2012
Sampai sekarang pun pendarahan ane masih berlangsung, tanggal 7 Oktober ialah hari dimana pendarahan ane nggak terkendali. Ane bingung campur takut mesti gimana, ane pengen ke dokter tapi disatu sisi ane malu. Tadi pagi ane nggak sengaja lihat tetangga ane ngangetin bayi nya di bawah sinar mata hari pagi. Ane lihat ukuran bayi dia nggak jauh beda sama bayi ane yg ane lahirin dulu. Refleks ane masuk kamar, cuma bisa nangis. Ane tahu gaya pacaran jaman sekarang gimana. KALIAN SALAH KALO BERPIKIRAN SELAMA NYA KALIAN BAKALAN AMAN. INGAT, SEPANDAI-PANDAI NYA TUPAI MELOMPAT, BAKALAN JATUH JUGA!! Ane harap siapa pun yg nge-baca ini bisa metik kejadian dari ane. SIAPA PUN YG SEDANG HAMIL DILUAR NIKAH SEKARANG, jangan pernah berpikiran untuk melakukannya!!